is it wrong?

Last night I dreamed of the house. Our builder was there, the project manager we’ve gotten to know, their realtor, some of the construction guys. Our builder was showing his team what a great job they did, congratulating them on their work, thanking them for the effort they put in that created the amazing product we were standing in. James and Lukas weren’t attending this meeting but Tabby and I were present. She, running around her new house, later watching iPad as I walked around with the group. 

I wanted to call it our new house but I couldn’t. Everyone knew we were in this appraisal dispute process. Our builder knew what the house was worth and wouldn’t take less. We knew what cash we could put forward to close. We were all waiting. Waiting for the bank to review it, and review it, and REVIEW IT, with hopes the conclusive numbers meant this beautiful home was ours. 

I woke up spinning. This has been SO HARD. Does that make it wrong? Can we really afford this? Is this God’s protection to get us out of it? Maybe it’s not a right or a wrong, maybe it’s a grey area? If that’s the case, I believe we get to choose — do we WANT to spend our money this way? I go back to all the reasons we wanted this house in the first place…those haven’t changed. Those are still my heart’s desire.

Is it a risk? Absolutely. There’s nothing certain. Nothing promised. Nothing guaranteed. 

I want to make decisions not based on fear, but on faith. Not faith that everything is going to be “perfect” but faith that we will figure it out. We will adjust. We will adapt.

Do we believe that we can use this home for God’s glory? HELL YES. Do we believe this is the best place, the best neighborhood, the best home, for our family? HELL YES. Then is it worth fighting for? HELL YES! 

What’s the alternative? Not buying this house means a temporary rental solution, and another house hunt for the same home in a different neighborhood or a smaller home in the same neighborhood. Neither option makes me excited, neither one is what I want, neither one sets my heart on fire.

In 10 years, will I be glad we took the risk with this house? 

I don’t have to sit on that question for any length of time. The answer is simple…YES. Even if the housing market crashed and the investment wasn’t worth it anymore. Even if our paychecks disappeared. Even if we had to sell it and lose money. Even if, God forbid, we lost the home entirely. Would I say this was worth it? YES. I’d say I’m proud of the risk we took for all the reasons we’ve spent hours upon hours wrestling with and thinking on. This wasn’t a decision we entered lightly. This wasn’t a flippant choice. This has been an 11 month process. We said NO to houses for various reasons. We were diligent. We’ve been intentional. And even if we “fail”, I’m so glad we took the risk. 

Because I don’t think it’s a question of is it wrong or is it right? I think it’s a question of is it worth it? 

And my answer, today, is YES. I bet on this house. I bet on the life we want to build in it, the home we want to create in it, the community we want to have around it. I bet on this home. I bet on the people who’ll live in it. I bet on the fact that we will figure it out. I bet on us!!

xoxo, va

2 thoughts on “is it wrong?

  1. I bet on all those things with you!!! So glad you have recorded your feelings and one day will look back and marvel at what God has done!

    Kim Belt Sent from my iPhone



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s